April 9th

Dear Higher-Power,

Please let this work out for me. I need to leave Basel and I need to get away, even if its just for a little slidgen of time. Please understand, and please help me find flights that are suitable and reasonable for not only myself, but my father as well.

Amen.

Bottom Line: Dysfunctional Psychology

Flour and butter: the two ingredients that lead to a perfect batch of bland cookies. Thats what my day has been like today. No TOK, no CAS, a shitload of work and no time to do it in. Last period of the day: abnormal psych. Finally some color in this Tuesday.

Tomorrow is the day I find out about Duke...all the natural emotions coursing through me: nervousness, excitement, anticipation...I hope I can say after tomorrow 8pm that the next stage of my life is in place.

Shout-out to Hannah Lowry: A circle is round, it has no end. Thats how long I want to be your friend!

It's been a while...

So much has happened since my wanting to kill Tsar Alexander. I still absolutely do sometimes, but i believe things might have gotten better. I am very stressed at the moment, having to balance all my responsibilities simultaneously, as well as having to deal with the Tsar's unnecessary outbreaks. I am skipping school today to take a personal day and catch up on the work that i have not been able to keep up with. Tomorrow is ISB prom and a pre-game at my house to get everyone warmed up. That should definitely help with my relaxation schedule.
On another note, I have never been happier to train recently, because after my trip to the States, not only did i come back happy as ever from being HOME again, but a couple pounds heavier too. I can't ever be fat. I won't let myself.
Too much going on in my head...I finally told my dad some things about last year that were buried VERY deep inside me - in hindsight, i don't know whether or not they helped, but i guess we'll just see.
He told me yesterday during our midnight chat - I'm having terrible nights so i can't ever go to bed - that last year was terrible for him because he watched me turn from the confident, strong girl that i was since i was little, to the insecure, anxious young woman that i had slowly become. Is he right? Does he know what he's talking about?
I want to leave again from Basel. I'm not happy here..I don't think. Then again, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just know that I want April 9th to work more than anything right now. Even if I have to spend everything that's in my name, I want to see Brendan and Sofia and Kyle again. And maybe Alex this time too, because she was too lazy to get in touch with me...

Will i be happier this time next year?